Creating Your Family Screen Time Plan

Dear parents of primary school-aged kids,

‍

As a mum of three, who are now 14, 17 and 19, I have spent a lot of time over the years sorting expectations around use of screens and devices in our family. So, wearing both my hats as parent and psychologist, I thought I’d share with you all what I’ve found most helpful (i.e. less conflict, more calm, ease and healthier habits).

‍

I know each and every family is so different in so many ways, so I’m certainly not here to tell you the one and only way you should be doing things. I’d just love you to experiment with some of these ideas in your family.

‍

Remember that there are no magical unicorn families who are “perfecting” this.

‍

There are no families who “always” follow healthy habits. There are absolutely no families who find navigating this easy! Just the fact that you are reading this tells me you are part of a family who is trying to build safer and healthier habits, and that is as good as it gets.

Spend some time (parent/s only) considering what the family plan might look like, and then invite kid/s into a discussion. It needs to feel like a collaboration, even if some things have no wiggle room (i.e. parental controls on all devices). This is akin to food options at home – we as parents can offer some choices, but certain things are a hard “no”.

‍

Write the plan down and make it visible.‍

I have always written our plan on a whiteboard or typed it out and stuck it up. Having it visible minimises conflict and arguments. I’m certainly not pretending it takes away all upset, tears and frustration (theirs and mine), but it definitely helps.

‍

Review the plan regularly.‍

We revisit ours every term or so.

‍

‍

Decide what is allowed‍

In our family we have had parental controls on devices so that they need permission to download an app. If they want a new game or app then we check out the suitability together. I try to start with, “Tell me more about it” or “Why do you want it?”

‍

‍

Decide where devices can be used

Keep devices out of private spaces for primary school-aged children.‍

Devices are not to be used in bedrooms, bathrooms or toilets. Trusted adults need to be able to supervise device use.

‍

Where will devices be charged overnight?‍

Devices should be charged in a central area out of bedrooms.

‍

Can screens be used in the car?‍

Our family decided no screens in the car unless for long trips. Now that my kids are older, there is also an expectation that if I’m driving them around (as I often am!), they are not spending that time on their phone. I’m not their Uber driver. I don’t insist we talk, but often that ends up happening, or we might just enjoy music. Either way, it provides a break from screens.

‍

‍

Decide when devices can be used‍

‍

Can they play before school? Playdates? Weekends? Holidays?‍

‍

We decided to have no screen time in the mornings before school. It is also worth thinking about after school, weekends, total screen-free days and playdates.

‍

I know a family who had a plan where homework, chores and reading had to be done before screen time. This worked for a time. Then it didn’t. Their son rushed through everything with all his focus on getting to screens. So the family experimented with screen time first for a set time, then the other tasks. This felt much better for everyone.

‍

Pay attention to how the plan feels, not just how it looks.

There is no right way or wrong way to set this up. Notice how it is feeling for you and for them, and adjust as needed.

‍

Can screens be used during dinner time?‍

We chose no devices and no TV during meals to prioritise face-to-face connection and provide an opportunity to eat mindfully.

‍

Can they be on screens before bed?‍

“One hour before dream time, finish up your screen time.” As a family, we aimed for this, based on brain-based studies supporting better quality sleep.

‍

Set clear expectations for grandparents and babysitters

‍

Clarify your rules when someone else is minding your kids. If someone else is responsible for your children, it is important for you to set expectations around device use.

‍

I have seen many examples of kids accessing inappropriate content through other adults’ devices – R-rated games at grandparents’ houses, accidental in-app purchases, or early exposure to pornography due to lack of parental controls.

‍

‍

Decide how much screen time is okay‍

‍

There is no “right” number of screen-time hours that fits every child. It is much more important to look at the type of screen time they are having and the balance between screen time and green time.

‍

‍

Aim for a balance between screen time and green time

‍

There is an ongoing discussion in our family about the need to balance screen time and green time. Finding opportunities to move our bodies most days is an expectation, and being outside in nature is something we try to prioritise (my kids know how much I love trees, sunsets, and going for a run in the rain).

‍

You could use our weekly poster to review how everyone (including adults) is managing this balance.

‍

‍

‍

Consider the type of screen time your child is having

‍

Is it mostly passive watching (YouTube, movies)? Socialising (messaging or gaming with friends)? Creative activities (Minecraft, cooking videos)? Educational content (Behind the News or learning-based games)?

‍

I remember when my son first started playing Fortnite. It quickly became clear the intensity was too much for his age and stage. I noticed increased agitation and frustration, so I said “no for now.” About six months later, when I said yes again, he was able to manage it much better.

‍

At times I have said no to more Netflix but yes to extra time on Minecraft or an educational app like Duolingo.

‍

‍

Help kids know when to get off screens

‍

To avoid nagging or physically taking devices away, we often agree that kids set a timer themselves, or stop at the end of an episode or game.

‍

It also helps to decide before screen time begins what they will be transitioning to afterwards. e.g. bike ride, dinner, craft, visiting a friend

‍

‍

Encourage regular breaks from screens‍

‍

Based on evidence, I have encouraged my kids to build a habit of taking a break after about an hour of screen time.

‍

‍

Use parental controls to support boundaries‍

‍

Setting up parental controls on all kids’ devices is absolutely essential. Screen Time (Apple devices) and Qustodio (all devices) are the two I have used over the years. These tools allow you to set time limits, block inappropriate content, require consent for downloads and set overnight downtime. If you’re a bit unsure of what parental controls are available and how to set them up, head to ChatGPT and ask “My child is using (insert device, app or game), step me through how I can set up parental controls to help make it safer”.

‍

‍

Reassure your kids that you are there to help‍

‍

Over the years I have reminded my kids in many ways:

• I can help you, no matter what the online problem is.
• Nothing will stop me loving you. I expect you to make mistakes.
• If you come to me with an online problem, I promise I won’t ban you or take away your device.
• If you feel you can’t come to me, go to another trusted adult or Kids Helpline (we’ve looked at the website together).

‍

‍

Experiment, review and keep adjusting as you go.‍

‍

If you are not completely happy with screen and device habits in your home right now, try some of these ideas. Keep reviewing and tweaking your plan as your kids grow. Hang in there. You really are giving your kids what they need (even if it’s not what they want).

‍

Carley x

‍

‍